Always too tired or never in the mood? We've got 20 just-for-women tips to cure your lagging sex life
Isn't it a little unfair that guys, who already have that no-restroom-necessary advantage, can often just take a pill when their love life is flagging? Even though drugmakers are hotly
searching for female versions of Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra--including nasal sprays to stimulate desire, neurotransmitters to regulate sexual appetite, a patch to deliver lust-making
testosterone--it's pretty clear that there won't be a magic bullet for women. Along with our need for indoor plumbing, our drive and satisfaction are different from a guy's. For one thing,
they hinge on the health of our primary erogenous zone: the brain.
Sometimes the thrill is gone because sex drive, aka libido, can't peacefully coexist with stress, anger, or marital discord. Or we miss out on the fun of sex because we have unrealistic
expectations. (Big reasons: We don't know as much about our sexuality as we think we do, or we've read one too many bodice rippers.) Like guys, we can be put off by boredom in the bedroom.
Sometimes the reason is physical: Sex routinely gets shelved, along with sleep, when breastfeeding hormones kick in. And during and after perimenopause, plummeting estrogen can make
intercourse painful.
Face it, we're complicated. "There's not going to be one panacea--one cream or spray or nasal delivery system--that cures all women of sexual dysfunction," says Laura Berman, PhD, a
sex therapist, director of Chicago's Berman Center, and half of cable TV's best-known sister act (the Berman sisters, with Jennifer, a urologist) on the Discovery Health channel. "The
pharmaceutical companies would love a panacea. That's what they're in the market for. But it's not going to happen unless they work into their drug delivery algorithm a way to assess
whether a woman has emotional problems."
Some sexual problems require outside help; some may require drugs. But if you're unhappy in the bedroom, the remedies will likely be as varied as changing your birth control and learning to
have orgasms without a partner. What follows are two of the most common sex-life saboteurs--"I'm not in the mood" and "I'm not having fun"--the real reasons behind them, and expert advice
on how to handle them.
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